The Last Night of the World
by HistoryGeek1399
Summary: Just a quick little one shot in which Alex looks back on her life with Casey and their children.


**A/N; Just a little one shot that refused to leave my mind, until it was written. I'm working on updates for my other stories.I own none of the unoriginal characters.**

" _From the outer edge of his life, looking back, there was only one remorse, and that was only that he wished to go on living." ―_ _Ray Bradbury_ _,_ _The Illustrated Man_ _._

Waking up, I hear the rain beating against the windows and snuggle further into the covers, enjoying the quiet calm in the minutes before the alarm would go off, signalling the start of another week. Turning off the obnoxious bleeping, I roll to my side and smile at her, the goofy smile on her face fills my stomach with butterflies, just as it always did. How could it not, it was the thing about I noticed about her all those years ago. Her smile, her eyes, they were what I first fell in love with and I knew that no matter the changes life brought about, they would always be the most beautiful sight in the world and be the things I loved until my dying day.

Forcing myself from my warm cocoon, I pad towards the kitchen, shivering as my bare feet come into contact with the tiled floor, pulling one of Casey's many ragged jumpers on, I feel instantly warmer as her scent fills my sense. Taking two cup from the cupboard, I switched on the news as I wait for the kettle to boil, it had become our ritual when Casey was pregnant, tea, toast and the morning news. I chuckle as I realise I'm engrossed in a sport story that before Casey would neither have interested me, nor made sense, but then a lot had changed in my life since meeting my fiery redhead. Long gone was the driven, closed off, insecure woman who kept everyone at a distance. In her place was a happy, loved woman with a family she adored, one which took up my time, keeping me out of the office and I couldn't be happier, Casey completed me in a way I didn't even know possible.

Hearing the kettle whistle, I fixed our tea, making hers just the way she liked it, in her favourite Star Wars mug, with a tad too much milk and no sugar, she would always tell me she was sweet enough and I would shake my head and roll my eyes, not that I didn't agree. She was the sweetest woman in the world and I would forever be proud to be known as her wife, being Mrs Casey Novak will always be my greatest accomplishment. Sipping my tea as I watch the news I mentally plan out my outfit for the day before heading to take a shower.

Sitting at my dresser applying my make-up, my eyes land on the family pictures I keep there, the largest frame holds my favorite picture from our wedding day, a candid shot of the two of us on the dance floor, Casey's wide smile matching my own. Neither of us knew Abbie was take pictures and in that instant she captured the essence of our relationship, laughter, love and slow dances.

Next was an assortment of pictures of our children at various ages; our oldest, Alexander in his little league uniform, the trophy he was holding was almost as tall as he was, his green eyes so much like Casey's it always made me smile, even if I was mad at him. I was sure it was the same green eyes and cheeky smile that explained how he had a different woman on his arm every time he came to visit.

Next was a picture of Wendy at her graduation from Law School, one arm around me, the other around Casey, of the three of us, it was hard to tell who had the proudest smile. When she was five she had declared she was going to be a lawyer like her Auntie Kim, we had all been amused considering both Casey and I were ADA's, but nothing would change her mind, she was going to be like her Auntie Kim and she was, becoming an ADA for the Major Crimes Unit. Next to it sat a picture of her on her wedding day, the loving smile on her husband Trevor's face let me know theirs would be a happy marriage, even if they were both driven and fully focused on their careers rather than giving us more grandchildren.

Moving to the next frame, I can't help but smile at the picture of our youngest daughter, Amy, her wife Lauren and their twin boys, Adam and Daniel. I chuckle as I remember Casey reaction when she found Amy and Lauren half dressed in the back seat of Amy's car. It wasn't that we were surprised she was gay, nor that she was dating Lauren, it was just that no parent wants to see their child like that, I hadn't helped the situation, laughing at their matching looks of embracement and horror. A story Casey had shared at their wedding much to our daughter's embarrassment.

* * *

All too soon I find myself at my destination and as I summon the courage to open the door, I'm reminded of the C.S Lewis quote, " _No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear_." I'm so very afraid as it hits me that the source of my strength was gone. Taking a deep breath, I push open the door, and try to smile at the woman behind the desk, but I'm sure it comes out more as a grimace, "My name is Alexandra Novak, I'm here to…" My breath catches and I force myself to take a deep breath, "I'm here to plan my wife's funeral."

Consulting the book in front of her, she asks, "Cassandra Novak?"

"No! Casey, her name is Casey." I'm aware my answer is sharp, but I can't help myself, this is my wife and this is the last thing I can do for her, and I will move the planets to make sure it's perfect.

"I'm sorry, Casey." Replied the woman, her tone kind, showing no hostility at my harshness, as she made a note of the name on the page before her. "Are you here alone?"

I nod, before explaining, "Our children are on their way, we were told we could…we could say goodbye here."

"Of course." Replied the woman in the same kind tone, I know I should make a point to find out her name, but that was always more Casey than me, she was the sociable one, the one people gravitated to at parties, in the park and in stores.

The opening of the door pulls me from my thoughts as I turn to face our family, our three wonderful children, I offer them a reassuring smile and am almost knocked backwards as Amy throws herself into my arms, her fists gripping my jacket as she cries. I rub her back and whisper words of love and comfort just as I did when she was a child. As I'm comforting our youngest, I study our other daughter, Wendy was grilling the still smiling woman behind the desk, she was so much like me, all business, and her emotions hidden. To anyone who didn't know her, she would seem almost aloof, but I could see the sadness clouding her blue eyes, the slight shake in her hands and hear the roughness in her voice that told of more than a few tears having been shed. Next, my attention turns to our son, Alexander is as hard to read as always, his eyes hidden behind dark glasses, his posture rigid as if he was fighting the urge to bolt from the small room. Releasing Amy, I hug Wendy and then Alexander, trying to offer them comfort, yet knowing it was me who was comforted by them as we file into a small office and begin planning the details.

After what feels like hour, I am shown into a room, the scent of lilies heavy in the air, I try to offer my thanks but the words catch in my throat and soon I am alone. Stepping forward, I am almost afraid of what I'm going to find, but as I see her as beautiful as always that fear leaves me and I smile at the sight Casey in her beloved Mets jersey, the one she had worn for every important game in all the years I had known her. I'm not sure how long I stand in silence, drinking in every detail of her face, committing it to memory, time seemed to move differently now she was gone. Reaching out a hand I lay it over her chest, the absence of her heartbeat shattering the last of my denials.

"Hi beautiful, you know, this is the first promise you've ever broken, you promised me I could go first and I know I was angry with you last night, that I swore at you a lot, but I understand and I'm glad you are at peace, my sweet girl. I promise you our grandchildren will know you, they will know how wonderful their grandma was and all the crazy things she got up to. There won't be a day that passes, I don't think of you and remember our life together, a song that doesn't remind me of you, a place that doesn't hold the memory of your hand in mine, or a night that doesn't make me long for your kiss goodnight. I'm going to miss you, the forty years, nine months and three days we shared are not enough. Not even a thousand years would be enough for me. I am so proud to be your wife, to have raised three wonderful children with you, to know all your secrets and to have been by your side as you achieved all your goals. Thank you for coming into my life and making all my dreams come true, I will always love you Casey, nothing time, nor life through at us changed that and nether will death, when we meet again, I will love you as much as I do now." Leaning down, I press a lingering kiss to her forehead, "Until we meet again, you have my heart. I love you Casey, now, forever and always."

* * *

Later that evening, after I had waved off our children and returned the many calls from friends and our extended family, assuring them I would be fine and would call if I needed anything, I found myself browsing our bookshelves, looking for something to distract me from her absence. I'm not sure why I'm drawn to it, but I pick up her well-read copy of The Illustrated Man, the same one I gave to her on our first wedding anniversary. I'm not surprised to find paper stuffed into the pages, Casey was always using whatever was to hand as a book mark, I teased her about it often, pulling out the paper, I see it's an envelope with my name scrawled across the front. Climbing into bed, I once more pull her jumper close and with shaking hands, open the envelope and unfold the page, the sight of her untidy handwriting lifting my heart.

' _My darling Alexandra,_

 _If you are reading this, then I broke my promise and I'm so very sorry. Children, if you're reading this you might want to stop, there will be mushy stuff. Alex, the first time I met you, it was like hearing a song for the first time and knowing it would be my favourite, you took my breath away not just with your beauty but with the goodness in your heart. The day you agreed to be my wife was one of the happiest of my life, I knew then that whilst we might face trials and that there would be times we fought, it wouldn't matter, I knew you would be mine and I would be yours until the world stopped spinning. I know it is a foolish hope, but I hope you don't grieve too much, I had a good life, our marriage was a happy one, I ticked off everything on my bucket list, raised three wonderful children, and I could not have wished for a better partner to be at my side to share that with. So, please my darling girl, be happy, smile and laugh. Spoil our grandchildren, go to Amy's first play and cheer her on for both of us, nag Alexander to settle down and be Wendy's sounding board in every case she has. My body may be gone, but my heart and soul are yours, just as they always have and always will be._

 _Until we meet again, you have my love, now, forever and always._

 _Casey. xxxx_

I pull her pillow to my chest and with the letter clutched in my hand and close my eyes, I cry until my throat aches and my breathing is ragged, tonight I would be sad, I would grieve for the woman I love. Tomorrow I would get up make tea, eat toast, watch the news, take our grandchildren to the park, eat dinner and do the cross word, that would be my routine and when it was time, I would be reunited with the woman who held my heart and soul.

 **A/N; Still love me?**


End file.
